My wife (28F) and I (30M) have been married for three years and generally have a good relationship. Before we got married, we agreed to remain childfree. However, after our wedding, she changed her mind and insisted on having a baby. Despite my reminders of our agreement, she continued to insist. I still strongly believed that I didn’t want any children. So, to avoid unwanted drama, I secretly had a vasectomy last year. I didn’t tell her because I felt justified since she had broken our initial agreement. A few months after my vasectomy, she came to me and proudly said she was pregnant. I was absolutely shocked and accused her of cheating, still without revealing my vasectomy. She thought my accusations were baseless and that I was losing my mind because I had been against having babies. Anyway, I insisted on a DNA test during her pregnancy, leaving her no choice but to agree. The big shock was when the results came out: it turned out the baby is mine, indicating that my vasectomy might not have been successful.
I apologized repeatedly for accusing her of cheating but still didn’t admit to having had the vasectomy. Now, she’s incredibly distant and is considering divorce, believing I was more interested in accusing her of cheating than in the pregnancy. I’m unsure whether to tell her about having had a vasectomy without her knowledge to justify why I thought she had cheated. Would revealing this now make
things worse? How should we work through this, especially with a child on the way? I’m completely lost and need your guidance on
the best way to fix things. Sincerely,
Richard
